Exploding Ovens

...and then there was the time when the oven exploded.
(one month after the generator caught fire, but I digress)

First, there was this text.
No explanation. Just a photo.

Of course, I remained completely calm and rational about the entire thing.
I mean, seriously, who knows what physicists might put inside an oven on any given day.

Amiright?

I submit to you Exhibit A.
(yeah it really did happen. Blah, blah, winter weather, poluyrethane needs to be applied at a certain temperature, blah blah...)

I submit that my response was perfectly reasonable.

#yeahitreallyhappened

###

How a Physicist Drinks a Margarita

My Phone: *you have a text message!*


Marty's Text:

Me: OMG! IS THAT from the LAB?

Marty: It's a margarita. And fish tacos.

Me: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THAT'S BEEN?

Marty: Uhm. In the sea? I think it's cod.

Me: I MEAN THAT GLASS THINGY WITH THE NUMBERS.

Marty: WTF? Why are you in all caps?

Me: THIS IS ME BEING UPSET.

Marty: . . . . 


Me: WHAT IF THAT HAD RADIOACTIVE GOO IN IT OR SOMETHING?!?!?!

Marty: You did NOT just say GOO.

Me: I did! I DID! GOO. GOO!!!!!

Marty: You realize that I also have radioactive plates in the pantry. And salt shakers.

Me: OMG we're all going to die.

Marty: Well, yeah. We all do eventually.

Me: . . . .

#itsortahappenedthatway

True or False

Me: Whatcha doing?

Marty: Watching a YouTube video on how to true a wheel by differential tension on the spokes.

Me: TRUE a wheel? What, like you're confirming, "yes, this is truly a wheel?"

Marty: What? You make no sense.

Me: I rest my case.

"working on bike," Depositphotos.com

Me: I'll bet you dinner that guy doesn't once use the words "differential tension" in that video.

(watches for like an eternity ten seconds) 

See what I mean? You know, they have great yoga videos on YouTube.

Marty:  Do you mind?

Me: What?

Marty: I'm working here.

Me: You're awfully tense. Want me to pull up a yoga for stress video? YouTube has a ton of them.

#itsortahappenedthatway

###

A Little Light Reading

Me: Wow, sweetie, your magazine could really use a makeover.
Marty: (looks down at tome) What do you mean?

Me: (flips through magazine) 

Well, just look! All the photos are bunched together ... there's practically no white space on any of the pages ... the aesthetic is all wrong. 

Me: I mean, really. Who puts black and white photos in a magazine these days, except for, like, some art publications?

Marty: Wh-- wha-- ???

Me: They should totally hire a graphics designer. And do they seriously expect anyone to actually read this much content?

Marty:  ...

Me: What?

Marty: There are no words.

#itsortahappenedthatway

###

Science Experiments Gone Wrong

Marty: Don't touch that grapefruit in the kitchen, okay? That's mine.
Me: O-o-okay...

Marty: And the egg. That's mine, too.
Me: Can I at least have some orange juice and a piece of toast?

Marty: Wha--?!? You make no sense.

(later that day...)

(notice nifty watch on left arm)

#yeahitreallyhappened

###

Three Myths (or not)

A Physicist's Vacation

 (cue summertime beach sounds: seagulls, ocean waves, sea breeze....)
 
Marty: Hey, cool, look! Double slit diffraction in action, right here.
Me: (laying on beach towel) Mmm...what?

Marty: The waves. The sandbar's location is creating a double-slit effect. Here, I'll show you...

(begins writing calculation in sand)

Marty: See? The waves are forming a perfect interference pattern.
Me: Oh, I see an interference pattern, all right. (looks pointedly at husband)

Marty: (looks up) No you don't, you're not even looking at the wav--

 Oh.


#yeahitreallyhappened

### 

A Physicist's Watch

Me: So Kristin was showing us her new Apple Watch at work today.
       You should totally get one.
Marty: Why?

Me: It does everything. It keeps time, it has a stopwatch on it, an alarm... It has a calculator --
Marty: Mine does too. See?
Me: Yeah but hers isn't 20 years old.

Marty: So what? Mine has tons of functionality.

Me: Yeah, but yours can't receive texts. Or keep track of the miles you run.
Marty: Technically, hers can't either. It's just synching with her phone.
Me: And it synchs with her phone, too! See what I mean?
 

#yeahthatsreallyhiswatch

###

Marty: Why would anyone want to read a text on their wrist anyway?
Me: Well there goes my only idea for your birthday present.

#hardtobuyfortoo

Lead Lined Gloves

Allow me to present one of the bennies of being married to a physicist:
Lead Lined Gloves.

Seriously. They're a Thing.

Move over Suzy Homemaker. These things rock.
Especially for scooping radioactive litter.

Yeah, dude, your litter bombs are epic.

Don't give me that look, you know I'm right.
Cats.


#weirdthingsinmyhome
#theseglovestotallyrock

###

###

Why You Should Never Let a Physicist Name Your Cat

Me: *whispering* Aren't they adorable?
Marty: What are you going to name them?

Me: Well, since you've never had cats before, I figure you get the honors.
Marty: Hmmm....

Three Weeks Later, after Much Deliberation

Marty: I've narrowed it down to two options. Want to hear them and help me decide?
Me: Sure!

Marty: So, it's either Lepton and Tachyon...or Joule and Fermi. What do you think?
Me: Uhhh....can you wait here a minute?

(runs to bathroom, closes door, begins shrieking)

Marty: Uhm, sweetie? Is that a vote for Lepton and Tachyon, then?
Me: (yells from bathroom) I REFUSE to have a cat whose nickname is TACKY!

A Physicist and his Cats. Maxwell, left. Faraday, right.

Meet Faraday and Maxwell. Yeah, they're named after famous physicists.

Hey, better than particles.

#whosaysicantcompromise

So about that original set of names?

According to Wikipedia (which is, you know, always right and all)

a Lepton is involved in Beta Decay. Or something.

And, surprising no one, a Tachyon is a faster than light particle. Beats the heck out of me what the animated gif is showing, but hey, #prettycolors.

Oh, and...

#yeahitreallyhappened !!

###