Onions ... in Space?

Marty:  You have to take the onion post down.

Me: O-o-okay, but why?

Marty: It's totally wrong. You have to fix it. The onions aren't spaced right.

Filed under #youcantmakethesethingsup

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Falling Onions

Marty:  Quick, grab your camera. I need you to shoot photos of an onion falling.

Me: Uhhhh...
Marty: Oh yeah, and it needs to be lit with a strobe light and shot against a white wall.

Me: No one is going to believe me when I tell them this, you know.
Marty: What? Where do you come up with these things?

Me: Oh, I don't know....

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A Physicists's Home

It sat out ALL NIGHT

Me: OMG, tell me you are not eating that chicken. It sat out ALL NIGHT. You are so getting sick.

Marty: No, it's okay. I took it to work with me and irradiated it.
Me: Oh, well then. I feel so much better.
Marty: Want some?

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Radioactive Bananas

Marty: Do we have a banana at home?
Me: Yeah, I think so. Why?

Marty: I need it for my talk on radiation safety tomorrow.
Me: ...uh, okay...
So, is it supposed to be the Good Guy or the Bad Guy?

Marty: What?!? You make no sense.

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Filed under "you can't make this up."
Bananas are slightly radioactive.  #whoknew?

Cats and Geiger Counters

Friend: Isn't that a bit dangerous for your cat?

Me: Oh, no, don't worry. It's empty. Besides, it's lead lined.

What the...? File that under #NewNormal.

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