A Physicist's Watch

Me: So Kristin was showing us her new Apple Watch at work today.
       You should totally get one.
Marty: Why?

Me: It does everything. It keeps time, it has a stopwatch on it, an alarm... It has a calculator --
Marty: Mine does too. See?
Me: Yeah but hers isn't 20 years old.

Marty: So what? Mine has tons of functionality.

Me: Yeah, but yours can't receive texts. Or keep track of the miles you run.
Marty: Technically, hers can't either. It's just synching with her phone.
Me: And it synchs with her phone, too! See what I mean?
 

#yeahthatsreallyhiswatch

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Marty: Why would anyone want to read a text on their wrist anyway?
Me: Well there goes my only idea for your birthday present.

#hardtobuyfortoo

My Secret Stash

Marty: (yells from other room) Do we have any more smoke detectors?
Me: (yells back) ...what?
Marty: I'm collecting Americium. So do we have any more smoke detectors or not?

Yeah, that's a smoke detector, in pieces.

Me: (rounds corner) Yeah, there's one in the family roo-- WHAT are you doing?!?
Marty: I told you, collecting Americium.

There's hardly enough here to register on the Geiger counter. I need more.

Normal people hide boxes of Girl Scout cookies
- or maybe the 3 pound bag of peanut M&Ms  -
from their significant other.

Me? I hide smoke detectors.

#forreal

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(geez, who knew they were radioactive anyway?) 

Lead Lined Gloves

Allow me to present one of the bennies of being married to a physicist:
Lead Lined Gloves.

Seriously. They're a Thing.

Move over Suzy Homemaker. These things rock.
Especially for scooping radioactive litter.

Yeah, dude, your litter bombs are epic.

Don't give me that look, you know I'm right.
Cats.


#weirdthingsinmyhome
#theseglovestotallyrock

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Glasses, and a lesson in tact (or not)

Me: I hate my new glasses. Haaaaaaaaaaaaate them.
Marty: Did you measure them? I told you to measure them.
Me: I did! I measured, like a gazillion times.

Marty: You have to measure the lens width.
Me: I diiiiiid! 
Marty: Did you measure the bridge across the nose?
Me: Yesssssss.

Marty: Did you measure the earpiece?
Me: I'm not a complete idiot, you know.
Marty: Did you measure the lens depth?

*silence*
Marty: You didn't, did you.
Me: Ummmm...
Marty: Well no wonder they look so round.
Me: *wails* I look like freakin' Harry Potter!!!

 
Marty: Well that's what you get for not measuring. I told you to measure.
Me: They're UGLY.

Marty: Well, yeah.
Me: *glare*

Dude. You're supposed to tell me they're not that bad.

Marty: I'm a physicist. We deal in fact, not tact.
Me: Omigod, seriously. Tell me that's NOT a bumper sticker somewhere.

Marty: Hey, wonder if they'd sell....


#yeahitreallyhappened

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